Why CPE?

I’ve been in love with English for as long as my memory goes. A handful of visits to the US may have contributed a lot, of course, but the whole idea of speaking a foreign language was really born with me.

When this huge interest was way too annoying, though, my mother decided that it was about time I studied at a proper school - maybe she had simply gotten sick of hearing all those senseless sounds I used to make pretending to be a very fluent person.

What happened right after that day, believe it or not, is exactly the same that still happens nowadays: I’m totally crazy about studying and learning whatever related to English from whoever claims proficiency.

Years after my first English class, I started teaching (out-of-the-blue story, by the way) at the very same school my mother sent me to back when I was nothing but a boring little kid. And ever since then, I’ve been doing a lot to brush up my skills – and acquire new ones.

I would say that this passion explains a lot about me taking (should I say “facing”?) this CPE course. Running the risk of being too superficial, I could state that my noble aim here is to become a better teacher – which is also absolutely true. However, and since I dislike risks, what really seduces me is rather selfish: I want to learn as much as possible.

More than sounding native, I wanna be the geek, the walking dictionary that irritates everyone, I wanna have the simple chance of learning words and ways of using those words that even Shakespeare wouldn’t understand. Basically, I wanna do something that really pleases me. And, I know I’m a freak, but nothing gives me more pleasure than books and fresh ideas.

Débora Benedetto, CPE 1, mornings.

Accountability

Here I am, sitting at a Starbucks, trying to organize my thoughts. VERY “writer-like”, if I dare to say. Funny as it is, I decided that coming to this place would inspire me. You know, I have this flood of thoughts longing to become the sexiest text ever... I HAD TO come in here and give it a try. (Well... It DOES work in Hollywood, doesn’t it?!)

The whole idea of trying, by the way, has been haunting me ever since I was born. I gotta say that: I’m a trier (Euphemism for PAIN IN THE ASS). If I want something, you would be a dead body after saying “You can’t, Débora”. Me and verbs in the negative... We simply don’t get along.

Anyway... That’s not what I’m writing for. Let’s forget about me, shall we?

Today I woke up feeling this urge to share my thoughts about the word ACCOUNTABILITY. See, this is a word I have to deal with at work EVERYDAY. The school where I teach is really committed to this idea of “what have we done so far?”, mainly when boring students nag us saying that they are not learning English. (“Hey, my dear, I’m gonna give you some homework: Prepare a list with at least 5 things you do in order to improve your goddamn English.”)

Accountability... Such a powerful word, isn’t it? Beautiful and kinda scary too. (Maybe the scariest word among all – And not only in my poor student’s opinion, I guarantee.) Let me show you something:

n.
The state of being accountable; liability to be called on to render an account; the obligation to bear the consequences for failure to perform as expected; accountableness. «The awful idea of accountability.» R. Hall.
Syn. -- answerability, answerableness

This is from a dictionary, yes, but if its intention is not to scare the hell out of you, then I don’t know what it could be. Come on... “Bear the consequences for failure”? “Answerability”?. “Awful idea”?

Man, I just can’t stop thinking about this “you-are-responsible-for-your-actions-,-you-moron-!” stuff. I mean, using ACCOUNTABILITY as a method of analyzing your improvement in whatever you do.... that is ok; you may have some spare time to fix what is wrong. However, what if I use the word to analyze my own life? Honestly, I’d be perfectly capable of “answering” why I didn’t pass the CPE with an A and bear its consequences. But would I be able to cope with my PERSONAL failures?

There is this thought that really drives me bonkers: walking away from hapiness. We often put ourselves in hard situations – life itself is hard – and then we may get way too scared to keep on going. That’s when we simply choose “the easy way”, most definetly preventing us from... pursuing true hapiness. And then, my friend, after running away from something just because it was too difficult to be true, how are we gonna answer the “what have you done to your life” question? For, you know, this accountability concept will be there, sooner or later.

Yes, the concept will be there, and it’s up to us (only us) to find positive answers – that’s what we say to our students, isn’t it? Maybe we all should consider the answerability, answerableness of whatever we start doing before getting to a point where accountability is a frightening thing to face. After all, if we have the chance of changing the cryptic question a little bit and ask “Why am I doing that?” instead of “What have I done?”, the answer might be a lot easier.

By Débora Benedetto, CPE 1, morning

Last Straw on the Camel's Back

Dear all,

Yesterday I was reading “Alphabet Weekends” by Elizabeth Noble (those who read all the comments here on this blog are going to remember me) when I came across the idiom that ended up being my idea for this post: LAST STRAW ON THE CAMEL’S BACK.

Well… Initially, the great attractiveness of it was the mental picture of a camel; I’m crazy about them, my car key ring – imagine! – IS a camel and HIS name is André! (This manic appreciation for animals also involves giraffes, but I’ve never heard of any idiom related to those poor babies).

Anyway, after having tons of fun imagining a camel doing whatever cute camel-like thing in the middle of the desert, I decided being a responsible learner and that was when I opened my favorite dictionary.

What I learned, though, was very sad. Suddenly, all the magic was over and I saw my beautiful camel with this horribly aching back, tired of working, breathless and cursing whoever dared to find it cute (me).

The idea of this idiom is almost something like I can’t put up with. In my friend’s case, he just can’t put up with any more straws (that yellow long grass used as bedding and food for animals or used to produce baskets or hats).
Here is something that I read on GoEnglish.com:

There is a limit to how much straw (long yellow grass) a camel can carry on its back. If you keep putting more straw on top, it will finally break the camel's back.

…. BREAK THE CAMEL’S BACK?? That is VERY mean. VERY mean. For crying out loud, people! I can even hear my André crying (out loud)!

Sad as it is, the idiom makes a lot of sense. When you are at your last straw, you are so furious that you simply won’t take any more of anything. Like my mother bothering me (I love her) when she wants me to eat more and more when I’m not hungry. It just feels like saying: “Please, give me a break! Next time you mention food in your speech, I’m gonna EXPLODE! It’s gonna be the last straw on the camel’s back!” (the idiom part, obviously, is something that I’m gonna include from now on, spicing up my protest)

Finally and quoting from Cavalcante, Higor, reading is all we need. (Beatles? All we need is love? Bullshit! What is love, anyway?). By reading, we will learn massive vocabulary and I do know that this is the only way if we wanna pass the frightening CPE with an impressive A (A?).

So, next time you get REALLY pissed, instead of adding more troubles to your André’s back, just go for a read (HA HA HA! What a pun! I’m such a great comedian!). After all… you don’t wanna hurt the camel inside you, do you?

By Débora Benedetto, CPE 1, mornings.